


we were together, so i forget the rest

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Rated T for swearing, Swearing, pogtopia arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29678247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It was a normal night for Tubbo in Manberg - until he get's a visiter.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo/TommyInnit
Comments: 14
Kudos: 135
Collections: Anonymous





	we were together, so i forget the rest

**Author's Note:**

> read end notes please.

“Dear me.” Tubbo looked at himself in his bathroom mirror. “You are going to sleep well tonight.” He reached over with a thin finger and started to draw little flowers in the remaining steam stuck on the glass. “And you will not have any nightmares, and you will wake up feeling good.” When he was satisfied with his doodles, he stepped back away from the mirror. “And this will all be better soon. Yours truly, me.”

His green eyes fluttered shut. He took a deep breath. He exhaled. He opened his eyes again. And then he turned and headed out of his bathroom back into his bedroom. 

His bare feet pad against the floor as he made his way to lock his bedroom door for the night. He found it already locked, as he had expected, then turned to busy himself cleaning up his rather bare desk. ‘Cleaning up’ only really consisted of moving two stray pencils to the left and wiping breadcrumbs to the floor. That’s all he had, really, so there was no need to spend too much time doing it. But he liked to spend that time anyway. It reminded him that he was a human.

He shivered. It was colder than it was supposed to be. Much colder. He also noticed a breeze grazing against his skin. The tip of his nose was turning a bit pink from the fall air. He scrunched it up, wiggling it like a rabbit as he turned to look at where the breeze was coming from. 

That’s when he noticed the window.

His one window in the room was open. Wide open. The night was leaking into the room and running it’s fingers over every surface. Tubbo was sure he had locked it long before his shower. But he just shrugged to himself, blamed it on his lackadaisical nature and walked over to lock it again.

When he did so, and the lock clicked shut, his stomach dropped. At that moment, he realized how wrong the room felt. Something was _ wrong.  _ The room felt haunted. He felt eyes crawling over him. It made him itch.

He backed away from the window slowly, looking around to locate the source of whatever paranoia had started to grow inside him. But it all got stopped when a hand grabbed his shoulder from behind, and another hand covered his mouth.

Tubbo tried to scream. He felt it building in his mouth but it couldn’t escape from the wooly confines of the glove against his lips. He struggled against whatever was grabbing him and tried to figure out what he wanted to do for his last moments. That’s what this would be, wasn’t it? Schlatt must have gotten tired of him. Or maybe Dream had come to exact whatever imaginary revenge he had come up with in his victim-complex skull. At least in his last moments he was going to be freshly clean. He would smell like bath soap.

“Shhh…” A voice brushed right against his ear. “No screaming now, buddy. You’ll get us both fucked over.”

Tubbo’s entire body had such a visceral reaction to the voice that he didn’t know whether to pass out, burst into tears or keep screaming. But instead of doing any of those things, he just froze. He let the hand drop from his mouth, and waited until the tall lanky ghost he missed so dearly rounded to stand before him.

“Hey, big man.”

Tubbo’s words barely came out. “Hey, Tommy.”

Tommy towered over him, grinning like an idiot. His daffodil-tinted hair was a lot longer than Tubbo remembered - had that much time really passed? It must have, because Tommy had new scars and maybe even some new freckles. Whatever was happening in that mystical Pogtopia, it must be eventful. 

“Don’t look so skittish.” Tommy scowled. “I put in a lot of work to be here with you, so don’t be all weird about it.”

“I just...how are you here?” Tubbo asked, incredulous. He shook his head and slowly stepped forward. His pace got faster and he threw his arms open, wrapping them around Tommy’s middle and burying his face in his chest. “Tommy, how did you get here?!” His voice was muffled in Tommy’s shirt.

Tommy was laughing as he hugged Tubbo back, setting his chin in Tubbo’s chocolate brown hair. “Don’t act all shocked! I’m a master of sneaking. I’m basically a real life ninja, Tubbo. I’m basically a legendary spy. Oh, and also? Schlatt doesn’t know about the sewer path yet. So that was very convenient.”

Tubbo looked up at him, not making an attempt to pull away from the hug until Tommy peeled himself off. “But why are you here?”

Tommy walked around the room, inspecting every corner. “Well, I wanted to say hi.” He was wandering around the bedroom like it was a museum, overly-suspicious and overly-analytical about everything. “Is this how you live now, Tubbo? My dumb cave camp is better than this!”

“You just wanted to say hi?” Tubbo scoffed. “You just wanted to say hi so you risked your life sneaking back in here?”

“Well, that and some other stuff. Hey, can I use your bathroom? I haven’t exactly taken a shower in a while and I would love to freshen up.” Tommy was already walking towards the open bathroom as he spoke. 

Tubbo sat on the edge of his bed, watching Tommy’s silhouette against the light as he washed his hands, used Tubbo’s toothbrush and tried to comb his wild locks. Seeing Tommy within his space was surreal. It was hard to believe this was even happening. It had easily been weeks since they had seen each other. It felt so natural to be back in each other’s presence, but it also felt so painfully foreign.

When Tommy was done primping and preening, he sauntered out of the bathroom. “Bless you, Tubbo. You aided the rebellion greatly with your efforts.”

“Because you used my toothbrush?” Tubbo raised an eyebrow. 

“Yes. That toothbrush just saved a nation.” Tommy said.

Tubbo crossed his ankles. “So...why are you here?”

Tommy looked like he was struggling to answer at first. “Oh, you know...adventure. Wanted to see my best mate. The works.”

“Don’t lie to me.” 

That made Tommy deflate. Tubbo was the only person that could see through his bullshit - always had been, always will be. “Well...look. The answer is dark, alright? It might make you sad.”

“I don’t care.” 

Tommy sighed. “Alright. Well, Wilbur gave me...a talk. A bad talk. And it was all about the ‘realities of war’ or whatever.” His voice went higher when he mimicked Wilbur. He put his hands on his hips and wiggled. “And it was a megabummer. Like...super depressing.” His voice got lower as he spoke. “Like...Wilbur told me that there’s a chance he might not come home one day. And he said there’s a chance that you might not  _ ever  _ come home. He said I might never see you again. And he...he made me mad.” Tommy clenched his fists. “He sounded like he was giving up. He’s an idiot and he sounded like he was giving up! And I wasn’t going to have that. No, no. Fuck that! I was going to see you again.”

Tubbo’s voice was soft. “Tommy - “

“No, don’t ‘Tommy’ me!” He cried. “I was going to see you again because Wilbur is a big, dumb,  _ wrong  _ idiot!” He walked closer to the bed and flopped down on it, splayed out like a starfish. “Fuck all of them.” He muttered.

“All of them?” Tubbo crawled farther onto the bed and leaned over Tommy.

“Yeah. Phil and Techno tried to feed me the same shit. The whole family tried to say that I might not see you. And I’m not having it.” His eyes wandered back over to Tubbo’s face. “I’m my own man. And I have decided that I’ll see you as much as I damn well please and they can suck my foot.” 

“Ew.” Tubbo wrinkled his nose. 

Tommy sat up and Tubbo scooted out of the way. “Ew yourself! I am a man of honor and I stand by myself.” Tommy saluted with his hand, and that’s when Tubbo noticed a dark red patch growing and growing on the beige glove.

“Tommy!” He cried, standing from the bed. “Is your hand alright?”

“What?” Tommy looked down at his hand. “Oh, shit.” He mumbled. “Must’ve cut it climbing in the building or something. My bad.”

“You can’t go home bleeding out all over the place. That looks nasty.” Tubbo said. “Let me patch that up for you.”

“What, are you a nurse now?” Tommy cocked one of his thick eyebrows. “I leave you alone for a few weeks and you go and find yourself a medical degree?”

“Not a medical degree. But I can do the easy stuff. Niki taught me.” He said. “Take off the glove, I’ll go get some bandages from the bathroom.”

Tommy tossed the glove into the trash as Tubbo got the long white gauze from under the sink. He made himself comfortable on the edge of Tubbo’s bed and picked away at the lint on the forest green wool blanket. When Tubbo returned, he paled at the look of Tommy’s hand. 

“How did you not even notice that?” He grimaced. “That’s rough. You might need stitches when you get home.”

“Oh, god. Wilbur will have too much fun with that. All the ‘I told you so’ and all the ‘you’re a child’...damn, that’s going to suck.” Tommy sighed. “But whatever. A small price to pay to see my best friend in the entire universe times infinity.”

“Times infinity?”

“Times double infinity.”

Tubbo felt his cheeks grow warm at that. “Yeah? Well, stay still.” He plopped down on the bed next to Tommy.

As Tubbo reached out to lay the first layer of bandages over Tommy’s hand, he yelped. Tommy jerked his hand back. “Ow!”

“Stop wiggling!”

“I can’t!” He whined. “It hurts!”

“But if you can’t stay still, then I can’t fix it.” 

“Just distract me then.” Tommy mumbled as Tubbo started to keep wrapping the bandages. “It stings.”

Tubbo was happy to oblige. “So. Your special little cave camp.” He smiled. “How is it?”

He shrugged. “The cave is kind of lame.” 

Tubbo chuckled. “Well, yeah. It’s a cave.”

“Well, it’s better than staying here!” Tommy said. “There I’m a free man!”

“Is it safe out there?”

“No, not at all. A creeper nearly took off Wilbur’s legs yesterday.”

Tubbo gasped. “Oh, god!”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s pretty dangerous out there.” He puffed out his chest. “You know, for weaker men it could be a horrible experience.”

“You have nothing to worry about though.” Tubbo’s voice was riddled with sarcasm.

“Of course not.”

“Of course not.” Tubbo echoed.

“Because, you know.” Tommy smiled smugly. “I’m the strongest person in the camp.”

Tubbo bust out laughing at that.

“Hey! Stop that!” 

Tommy’s indignant cries only made Tubbo laugh harder.

Tommy gasped. “Tubbo, are you doubting my abilities?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” Tubbo continued to wrap Tommy’s hand. “Especially out in a cave with all those buff guys. You probably can’t even hold a candle to their stuff.”

“Oh, bold words from you! The cave is full of very talented people and lots of great resources but I am thriving, Tubbo! I am above all of them! I have gotten so strong you wouldn’t even believe it!” Tommy cried. “And I am a well-trained warrior and the leader of the entire operation so you know I’m right.”

Tubbo shook his head. “I can’t believe you.”

“I’ll have you know that I am the best, the most professional and the most talented fighter in the  _ entirety  _ of Pogtopia! I am better than the Blade, better than Wilbur, even better than dumb old Dream! I am the best and this injury means  _ nothing  _ against my epic sword abilities. And I have those epic abilities, mind you, the  _ best  _ abilities!”

Tubbo giggled. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever,  _ big man. _ ” He rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t get smart, Tubbo!” Tommy scoffed. “I’ll have you know that I’m a genius!”

“Spell ‘genius’.” Tubbo said.

“ _ You  _ spell genius!”

“Touche.” Tubbo looked down at the hand he was mending and went silent for a bit as he finished off the wrappings. He tucked the tail of the bandage into the palm of Tommy’s hand, under all the other tight wraps. It was secure. Very secure. Tubbo was good at the work he did - he had natural healing hands. He smiled down at his work. “There. Now you won’t get some kind of nasty infection on your way back to Wilbur.”

When Tubbo looked up, he paused. Tommy was staring at him. His blue eyes were as wide as saucers, bright as the sky. And he looked absolutely petrified. Tubbo felt like a spotlight was on him. White noise was filling his ears. And Tommy was closer than he remembered. 

“Tommy?” Tubbo asked, cocking his head. “Is everything all - “

He was cut off as Tommy crashed their lips together. For a second, everything was sloppy and full of shocked gasps. Their noses bumped like bird beaks. But finally, Tommy settled down and a genuine kiss blossomed out of a messy beginning. 

Time stood still. Tubbo’s brain was fighting to catch up with what was happening. When Tommy pulled away, stray saliva connected his pink lips to Tubbo’s. Their wild eyes met, both just as in awe at what happened. When the cord of spit broke, Tommy llicked his lips. Tubbo stayed exactly where he was, still as stone.

They sat breathing in tandem, their chests heaving. They were inches away from each other on the bed. Their faces were so close, Tommy’s hand still clasped in Tubbo’s, and the tension in the air was so thick that it was almost visibly foggy. Tubbo opened and closed his mouth, trying to find the words to say. He wanted to quantify his feelings into sentences but nothing could form.

Tommy ripped his hand away first and jumped to his feet. “I am...I am so sorry, Tubbo.”

Tubbo didn’t answer. The two continued to look at each other. Green eyes and blue eyes poured into each other, creating an ocean of swirling tides. As they did so, Tommy’s face started to burn hot pink. He looked humiliated. He looked terrified. And he was stepping back slowly. For every second Tubbo spent silent, Tommy was sinking further and further into himself.

“I’ll be going now.” Tommy said.

Those were the words that finally helped Tubbo’s mind land back on the ground. “What?” He cried, rushing to his feet.

Tommy was making his way to the window. “I’m leaving. I’m leaving and I’m sorry.” He grabbed his coat off the desk chair and slipped it on.

“You’re leaving?!”

“Yes. Right now.”

Tubbo hurried after him, reaching out to try to grab his coat. “No! Wait!”

“I should have just listened to Wilbur.” Tommy made it to the window and started to struggle against the lock. “I should have just listened - “

“Can we just talk?” Tubbo said. 

“There’s nothing to talk about!”

“I didn’t mind the kiss, I promise!”

Tommy finally managed to get the window unlocked. The sound of the clasp undoing itself was the sound of Tubbo’s world crashing down. He had to do everything he could to keep Tommy  _ here.  _ He couldn’t just lose him again.

So he hugged him.

‘Hug’ was a strong word. It was more like he used his arms like a beartrap, clinging to Tommy’s waist and using every ounce of strength in his bones to keep him from being able to run. Tommy was struggling against the vice grip, but Tubbo wasn’t letting go. The hug, or trap, was iron-tight. When Tommy did finally brush Tubbo off, he was livid. He stumbled back, catching his balance and baring his teeth. “Tommy!”

Tommy whipped around. “I need to leave!”

Tubbo balled up his fists. “Just talk to me!”

“It was a mistake coming here. I knew I would fuck it up - “

“Why are you being like this?” Tubbo asked. After his voice stopped, silence filled the room. Not even the crickets were chirping anymore. There were no footsteps from people upstairs. Everything was still. 

“Because the idea of never seeing you again made my chest feel like it was collapsing, alright?!” Tommy yelled. “Is that what you want to hear?! I kissed you because the idea of you dying made me sick to my fucking stomach!”

The room echoed with his words. Tubbo’s eyebrows furrowed. “So you kissed me. And I kissed back. So why are you running away? That’s the last thing I want you to do!”

“Because...Because you’re like glass.” Tommy finally said. His voice was heavy and his stance was deflated. 

“So I’m fragile?” Tubbo scoffed.

“You aren’t fragile! No, no, that’s not what I meant. You might be the strongest person I know so I would be a liar if I said you were fragile. You’re like glass because...well, glass is beautiful. It reflects the rainbow and it’s shiny and it’s beautiful. And you’re beautiful, Tubbo. And that’s the problem. Because I’m dirty. I’m muddy. I’m just straight up pollution, yeah? And...My hands are gross. And they’ll leave a whole bunch of smudges on your beautiful glass. And I’m going to never forgive myself for that.”

“Then shatter me.” Tubbo said without a second thought, his voice defiant as ever.

“What?” Tommy frowned.

“Don’t leave smudges, then. Shatter me. Because I don’t want to be glass. I don’t want to be something that you can’t touch or be around.” Tubbo stepped forward. “Kiss me again!” He demanded.

“Tubbo - “

“Kiss me again because I’ll never forgive myself if you leave thinking I don’t like you back!”

Tommy grabbed Tubbo’s shoulders and obliged. This kiss was harder, more purposeful, full of more passion and anger and  _ regret  _ and an indescribable pain. When they both pulled apart, their eyes met. 

They both had soldier’s eyes.

“Kiss me back better.” Tommy shook Tubbo’s shoulders. “Kiss me back because I don’t know when I’ll ever see you again.”

Tubbo raised himself onto his toes, straining to reach Tommy. But when he did reach, he placed his lips on the other’s and kissed. He was much more gentle than Tommy when he led the kiss. He was a bit off balance, a bit more hesitant. But there was a lightness behind it that Tommy seemed to lack - there was a carefree nature that was rare and hard to find nowadays.

Tubbo dropped back down onto his heels. His eyes fluttered back open. Tommy’s cheeks were bright pink, flushed heavily. Tubbo took in his face before speaking. “When was the first time you wanted to do that?”

Tommy thought for a moment. “Your birthday. Your last one.”

Tubbo’s eyebrows shot up. “That was like...two months ago.”

He looked away, his creeping smile sheepish. “I mean...Yeah. But I mean it. You got this new sweater from Wilbur and you just looked some type of way in it, alright? Don’t fucking stay on my case about it.”

“‘Some type of way’?”

“Tubbo, you looked nice, stop being a dick!”

“Kiss me like you wanted to then.” Tubbo said.

There was a beat of silence. Then, Tommy reached out and put one hand on Tubbo’s cheek. The other was placed in Tubbo’s left hand. He moved gently, slowly. Everything was languid - it was like he was moving through syrup. He angled Tubbo’s chin upwards, and then he kissed him. It was actually barely a kiss. It was so soft that Tubbo could have mistaken it for an accidental brush. But it was a kiss. And it was full of innocent love. It was full of the love that only comes from genuine care, time, and connection.

It lasted the longest. This barely there, barely felt kiss lasted longer than either of them probably ever would realize. Tommy’s grip on Tubbo’s hand increased little by little every second, until both of their palms were red and their fingers were all losing feeling.

Tommy finally pulled away and let go of Tubbo’s hand. “I should actually leave now.” He said quietly. “I’m not just saying that, I’m being serious. I don’t want to risk either of us getting offed.”

“What? You have a new reason to self-preserve now?” Tubbo said jokingly.

The look Tommy gave back ensured it wasn’t a joke.

“You still have a few hours until daylight.” Tubbo said. He turned around and looked at his bed. “Will you stay with me? Just until I fall asleep. Just like we used to. You can leave before the sun comes up just...make sure I’m asleep when you leave.”

“Why?”

“If I’m awake, I’ll put up a fight. I’ll beg you to take me with you and you know that can’t happen.” Tubbo said. He turned back to Tommy and put a hand on Tommy’s arm. “Come on, then.”

They both clambered into the bed, Tommy taking the side to Tubbo’s left per the usual. Ever since they were little and had sleepovers, them sharing a bed was nothing new. It was a sense of completion for the both of them - to be without each other in any form was simply impossible. 

Sleepovers were common, before the war. Phil would open his home to Tubbo and he would stay there with the three siblings, mixed up in whatever mess they were making that day. And he would stay by Tommy’s side, sleep in Tommy’s bed, and wake with Tommy for an entire weekend.

This could be compared to that in theory. They could pretend that this was comparable.

Tommy turned to face Tubbo, and Tubbo turned to face him. “Alright.” Tommy said in a soft voice. “I’ll come back for you, okay? I promise I will.”

“You will?” Tubbo asked.

“Of course. Anything for you.”

Tubbo smiled and pulled the blankets up to cover most of his face. He then fluttered his eyes shut, exhaustion hitting him like a train the moment he laid down. “Tommy?” He asked.

“Hm?”

Tubbo tried to open his eyes again but his lids were weighed down by many nights of rest he had missed out on because Tommy hadn’t been with him. “Will you talk until I fall asleep?”

Tommy’s voice was the best kind of white noise. It always had been. 

“Of course.” Tommy said. The bed shook as he readjusted himself. “Any requests?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Well, let’s see. Let me tell you about what our totally awesome cave looks like.”

“Yeah?” Tubbo said, his voice already sounding far away from himself.

“Well.” Tommy started. “It was all my idea, yeah? Wilbur will try to take credit but it was all me. I swear it!” Tubbo felt a warm hand brush against his hip. It stayed there. “Techno also likes to say he ‘invented all the farm shit’ but even if he did, it was all my idea and I’m very proud of myself.”

“Oh, really?” Tubbo said, burying his face into his pillow. He waited for Tommy’s answer. And waited. And waited. He opened his eyes to see why there was nothing but silence - but he was met with bright daylight and an open window welcoming in the breeze.

The empty spot in his bed still held the creases from a tall, lanky body. Tubbo’s hand was splayed out, reaching for the empty spot, somehow hoping that someone would reach back through the empty spot.

He sat up slow. He trudged to the bathroom. A part of him thought that maybe last night was a dream, but the stray blood spots on his white ceramic sink said otherwise. Tubbo washed them away as he brushed his teeth.

His hair was wild, his eyes were heavy. But his insides felt more alive than they had in a long time. He, too, had a renewed sense of self-preservation. New motivation blossomed inside of him. He didn’t know what to call it, but he knew it would make every day standing by Schaltt easier. He looked in the mirror, wiped stray toothpaste off his chin, and began.

“Dear me.” Tubbo inhaled. “Today will be a good day. And I’ll be okay. And Tommy will be okay.” He reached up and traced his lips on the mirror glass. “And everything will be better soon. Yours truly, me.”

**Author's Note:**

> hello. i'm autistic hyperfixated and trying my best to get out of it, but this story wouldn't leave my head until i got it on paper. 
> 
> my therapist approved of me writing this. 
> 
> i'm tagging this as minimally as possible so i'm not bullied. please don't comment your hate or whatever, i am in a weird mental spot about even writing this and it will not help. okay thanks.


End file.
